Surely everyone has a friend who can be safely come to the meeting later, because he will definitely make you wait. Due to systematic delays, important projects break off and relations collapse. What internal reasons can be hidden behind the inability to come on time?
The circumstances are always to blame: as another excuse, a chronically late person talks about a suddenly broken alarm clock torn before the output of tights or wild traffic jams on the roads. But even if all this is true, the true reason because of which the substitute once again took you away, forcing you to wait, most likely, in another.
Thirst for attention
With delay, such people – often with a hysteroid psychotype – are trying to attract attention. Their nervous system is weak and very mobile. This entails unstable performance and quick emotional exhaustion. Hysteroids are difficult to achieve with their own labor, and they rely on a spectacular self-presentation.
Late is one of the ways to declare itself. Such people know how to make a beautiful theatrical way out. So, late for the lecture, the girl passes through the entire audience, taking care of making the necessary effect.
Absent -mindedness
It is believed that such a person has a “head in the clouds”. So people with a schizoid psychotype who are afraid of any social situations behave. “The more a stress event they expect (interview, exam, public performance), the more likely they are being late,” explains the psychologist Alex Raddle. – Late becomes a way to minimize stress “.
Attention deficiency syndrome
Inner randomness and non -concern that people with attention deficiency syndrome suffer to constant late. “The inability to count time can only be the peak of the iceberg of difficulties that such a person faces daily,” Raddle believes. “This seriously affects the quality of his life, and without attention to the main problem and the corresponding therapy with the habit of being late to not cope.”.
Depression
In a person, in a state of depression, all life functions are reduced: libido, appetite, social involvement and attentiveness. It doesn’t matter to him that he is late somewhere. Everything seems meaningless, difficult, unrealized.
A feeling of permissiveness
So people behave with the features of sociopath or narcissus. If others are late due to the fault of circumstances and, above all, suffer from their non -launchedness, then a person with the motto “I can do everything” is extremely attentive to that the delay does not affect the quality of his life. He allows himself such behavior only in relation to certain people, thus demonstrating superiority, asserting himself, showing passive aggression.
What to do if you yourself are constantly late?
First, to understand what the reason is. Perhaps the fault of all anxiety and fears that are important to pay attention to. Only by solving these problems, you can stop late.
Secondly, clearly prescribe all important things for the day and put a timer that determines when you need to start and finish performing each task. “Some people really don’t feel how much time has passed. Let the program on your phone take this function: it will remind you what exactly you need to do now, ”says Alex Raddle.
What if you find yourself in the position of waiting?
Natalia Artsybasheva, Gestalt therapist
Late is a gross violation of our temporary boundaries. If a person is inclined to do this regularly, it is useful to outline these boundaries for him and hold. For example, report in advance that you cannot wait longer than 15 minutes – after this time you, no matter how sorry, will have to leave. When you yourself treat yourself with respect, and others begin to treat you the same.
But what to do if you are interested in the meeting more than a late one and you are not ready to conflict? You will have to search for a shaky balance between the value of the meeting and the level of damage in case of abandoning it. If you know what to wait, at least take care of yourself: choose a comfortable place to wait, stock up on interesting reading. And ideally on such people, of course, it is better not to depend.
Our brain sophisticatedly protects us from unpleasant. If we do not admit to ourselves that we really do not want to go somewhere, participate in some event, then different “miracles” happen to us: we went to the subway in the wrong direction, forgot about the meeting, confused the time. This is an unconscious avoiding a discomfort situation. In this case, everyone can only be responsible for themselves, take care of their comfort, disagree “out of politeness”
to inappropriate conditions and to actively voice their needs.
You can ask the late, if he really wanted to meet you, but, unfortunately, not all people are ready to realize this. It happens that we cannot express our dissatisfaction to someone in the face, but it itself breaks through in our actions, including in the form of delay. Sometimes it is better to discuss acute topics than to avoid them.